One of ∞ thoughts I have on why I hate my second home- the internet.

Global-scale perfectionism makes me want to log off

There's something really weird about online communities and the way interpersonal relationships are had there. It's hard for me to pinpoint, given I have no IRL relationships outside of the one person I live with. I've never had normal community, so no normal frame of reference, but I've determined I don't like internet communities and how they are.

I couldn't even start to write down all of my issues I have with the internet. Many have done that already anyway, and in better words than I can. But that's the issue! I think people aren't made to do this kind of global performance the internet asks for. No matter who you are, you're performing a version of yourself on the internet. I'm doing it right now! I'm the me who vaguely knows what they're on about, and is kinda funny in that goofy, awkward, maybe relatable way. I don't know how to turn it off!

I saw a post recently, that went something along the lines of "people used to only matter to their local community of a few hundred, and every community needs a singer, a storyteller, an artist, a crafter, etc. but near-instant worldwide media means that now the standard of what a singer is is so much higher, it scares off most people from genuine self expression, even if they would have been beloved by their community in the past".

And yeah. I think people need more room to be bad creative. I want to see more ugly paintings, more out of tune songs, more stone carvings that accidentally a word. People are weird and squishy and flawed, but people expect people to be normal and squishy and perfect.

I hate that I can feel all of these things and say them, yet know I'm far from internalizing them myself. I can't apply that mindset to my own creations very well. It's damn hard! I don't know where to start! I think people should be allowed to be bad at things. I think I should be allowed to be bad at things. And I guess, in that logic, I should be allowed to be bad at allowing myself to be bad at things.

...you get my point.